Its the little things folks...It always is....
"Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." Its always the little things...those minute details, those infintesimally small details that could engulf your soul. If your good with little, then ( and only then as I see it ) will you be given more. Tough pill to swallow isn't it? I thought about this for quite a while now and through the years it has become quite clear to me that I have a problem. I...are you ready for this...I buy "things." Not just normal things, like books, toiletries, and edibles. But things I really do not need, but want.
Now I can spend all this money on myself and always make a rational excuse as to why I do. And then convince myself that 2 feet in the "vault of debt" is better than one, if I'm going in I'm going all out. Give me a break? I actually tell myself that this is acceptable behavior, and yet strangely there are so many more things that I want. Like a bigger fridge, nicer TV,new video games, etc...etc....
You see what I'm getting at is I don't have these things and if I did they would'nt make me any better as a person, all that comes from the heart. All anon. ( as Shakespeare would say ) would I were to throw off these weary laden shackles, and trample through the bosom of my debt, dashing dreams to the tumultuous current which I ride out every day here-in and after. I would.
Alas, and most sadly...I can't...seem...to...break...this simple abstraction I call an addiction ( for lack of a better term ) "stuff."
Surely someone has the cure for this delapidated disease which I have been harboring for utterly too long...a simple elxir of truth which will stop me from gorging myself on the pressing "now." Now, now, now...I feel like that girl from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" What was her name? Violet Beauregard. Now lets not get into a whole other discussion as to why I feel like a girl, because I don't. I can just see what the attraction was to all those things.
Now here's the flip side of the coin. I also don't want it anymore. I am this close to giving it all away and just throwing everything on Ebay for a penny. I would give anything to never again want, but now I know that that won't happen until I die. Which if I have my way will be a very, very, very, very long time from now. ( Lets not go there either )
I am teetering here on this macabre seesaw of total, and utter release, or just succumbing to all the materialistic ardor. Drowning...choking...being throttled to death by the images that sleepily dance through my mind, yearning to burst through and take over my entire being. Leaving my husk of a once kind, long-suffering, non-bitter, always loving, knight in shimmering armor stranded and utterly alone...dark...dank...sadly twisted, and misguided. A young man no more.
Now I am another year older ( not sure I'm wiser )but I will not back down...I want the crown in the end. Don't look back...its only begun...sound my battlecry, step aside I live to fight. I will not go down, never...don't forget what this is for, these days have opened up my eyes, now I see I am on the frontlines. We live our lives on the frontline.
Its a struggle to just stay on the path I know I should be on. But I am not alone, I want to belong, and now I know I'm in a world of people who want to belong.
It all comes down to faith. YOu need it, you use it and don't realize it. When you push the brake pedal in your car. When you cross the street when the pedestrian sign glows bright in your face. Everything is faith, and yes everything has a reason, as infintesimal as it may seem, however miniscule there is always a reason, and its the small things. ( bet you were wondering how I was going to bring all this together and make sense of it, well to tell you the truth so was I ) Not the big ones they come and go like yesterday's paper, but the small things are like parasites they stay and suck the life out of your very bone marrow, if you let them.
You see it all comes back to the small things, they compile, they become cumulative, festering inside us until we let them out in a torrent of emotional baggage on the next unsuspecting victim ( usually its the one's we love for some unknown reason ) But we can be faithful during this time. We have been given the ability to rise above, to tear asunder, and stride triumphantly over them. Look not to yourself, but to the one who made all that you see, and smell, and hear, and touch, and Love. He is faithful. Will you be?
Now I can spend all this money on myself and always make a rational excuse as to why I do. And then convince myself that 2 feet in the "vault of debt" is better than one, if I'm going in I'm going all out. Give me a break? I actually tell myself that this is acceptable behavior, and yet strangely there are so many more things that I want. Like a bigger fridge, nicer TV,new video games, etc...etc....
You see what I'm getting at is I don't have these things and if I did they would'nt make me any better as a person, all that comes from the heart. All anon. ( as Shakespeare would say ) would I were to throw off these weary laden shackles, and trample through the bosom of my debt, dashing dreams to the tumultuous current which I ride out every day here-in and after. I would.
Alas, and most sadly...I can't...seem...to...break...this simple abstraction I call an addiction ( for lack of a better term ) "stuff."
Surely someone has the cure for this delapidated disease which I have been harboring for utterly too long...a simple elxir of truth which will stop me from gorging myself on the pressing "now." Now, now, now...I feel like that girl from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" What was her name? Violet Beauregard. Now lets not get into a whole other discussion as to why I feel like a girl, because I don't. I can just see what the attraction was to all those things.
Now here's the flip side of the coin. I also don't want it anymore. I am this close to giving it all away and just throwing everything on Ebay for a penny. I would give anything to never again want, but now I know that that won't happen until I die. Which if I have my way will be a very, very, very, very long time from now. ( Lets not go there either )
I am teetering here on this macabre seesaw of total, and utter release, or just succumbing to all the materialistic ardor. Drowning...choking...being throttled to death by the images that sleepily dance through my mind, yearning to burst through and take over my entire being. Leaving my husk of a once kind, long-suffering, non-bitter, always loving, knight in shimmering armor stranded and utterly alone...dark...dank...sadly twisted, and misguided. A young man no more.
Now I am another year older ( not sure I'm wiser )but I will not back down...I want the crown in the end. Don't look back...its only begun...sound my battlecry, step aside I live to fight. I will not go down, never...don't forget what this is for, these days have opened up my eyes, now I see I am on the frontlines. We live our lives on the frontline.
Its a struggle to just stay on the path I know I should be on. But I am not alone, I want to belong, and now I know I'm in a world of people who want to belong.
It all comes down to faith. YOu need it, you use it and don't realize it. When you push the brake pedal in your car. When you cross the street when the pedestrian sign glows bright in your face. Everything is faith, and yes everything has a reason, as infintesimal as it may seem, however miniscule there is always a reason, and its the small things. ( bet you were wondering how I was going to bring all this together and make sense of it, well to tell you the truth so was I ) Not the big ones they come and go like yesterday's paper, but the small things are like parasites they stay and suck the life out of your very bone marrow, if you let them.
You see it all comes back to the small things, they compile, they become cumulative, festering inside us until we let them out in a torrent of emotional baggage on the next unsuspecting victim ( usually its the one's we love for some unknown reason ) But we can be faithful during this time. We have been given the ability to rise above, to tear asunder, and stride triumphantly over them. Look not to yourself, but to the one who made all that you see, and smell, and hear, and touch, and Love. He is faithful. Will you be?
posted by Clandestine at 11:18 AM
2 Comments:
Just stop buying things. I know easier said then done. But repetition and practice helps you make perfect. Setting strong family goals also is a help, but don't take my advice for it, ask the one who made you. God! He will guide you, pull you close to His side, then when your there listen to Him speak gently to you.
"Keep on keepin on!"
Thanks Jersey...hey my honest opinion for that link you sent me is I think it has a "LOT" of Potential...needs some work on the effects...but other wise pretty solid...I don't know if the story is there or not, so let me know if you find out anything more.
Post a Comment
<< Home